


Strong

by sariloire



Series: Ashae Lavellan [29]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-19
Updated: 2015-11-19
Packaged: 2018-05-04 14:31:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5337587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sariloire/pseuds/sariloire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Solas leaves, Ashae works to get through the pain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Strong

She was strong.

Strong. Capable. Independent.

All the things her keeper had told her as she grew up.

She could get through this.

She  _would_  get through this.

Turning in place, Ashae let the delicate glass figurine fly from her grip and it hit the opposite wall, shattering and spraying her carpet with glass. Another one followed, and another, until the entire collection was broken. They had been sent by Orlesian nobility after the defeat of Corypheus, and were shaped like the tiny frilly cakes she had loved so much. The cakes she had often shared with-

The sound of her boots crunching on the glass drowned out her thoughts as she crossed the room to the table stacked with books.

“I’m strong, I’m strong.” The words were tumbling from her lips like breath as she flipped through the books, anything to distract herself. Anything to keep her mind from going where she didn’t want it to go. But the more she pushed him from her mind, the stronger the memories came back, and she could feel the hot tears burning in the corner of her eyes. Her hand jerked, and a book went skittering off the table onto the floor.

“I’m better than this.” Ashae whispered, sinking to the ground, reaching for the book. She pulled it over, trying to read the words through the tears that were flooding her vision. It was elvish, the book Solas had-

She shoved it away, hearing the book crunch the glass covering the floor. “No, I’m strong. I’m strong.”  The glass was digging into her knees that were only protected by thin material. She wanted the pain, anything to take her mind off of him.

She knew what the people of Skyhold would say. She knew what her friends would say. That all she had lived for was Solas, that he was all that had mattered to her. And that when he left, she turned into a weak woman who couldn’t survive.

_‘I’m not weak, I’m strong.’_

The man who had shared her bed for over a year, the man who had loved her unreservedly, the man who had never made her feel insignificant or alone. The man she had thought she would marry one day. The man who had broken her heart without so much as a reason. He was gone. Without a goodbye, without a trace. It had been two months since he left, and the last hope she had for his return was gone.

_‘I’m not weak, I’m strong.’_

She moved from the floor, pulling herself up onto the couch in front of the fireplace, her hands bleeding from brushing the glass from her knees.  Yanking off her boots, Ashae drew her legs onto the couch and grabbed a decorative pillow, burying her face in it.

_'I’m not weak, I’m-’_

It smelled like him.

She drew in a breath, but couldn’t push the pillow away. When she closed her eyes, it was almost as if he was there, her face buried in his shirt as he ran a hand through her hair. His words in her ear, the way lines around his eyes crinkled when he smiled at her. It was all right there, at the front of her mind, and she felt as if she couldn’t breathe.

She was weak, she knew that.

But she was also strong, she knew that as well.

And she would survive this.

No matter how many pieces Solas had left her heart in. No matter how many times she woke up, her hand reaching out to find the bed empty before she woke up enough to stop herself.

No matter how many times she thought she heard his voice in an empty room. No matter how many times she caught a glimpse of him in her dreams.

She would survive this.

She  _could_  survive this.


End file.
